Driver Typology

Sitting behind a steering wheel makes one experience many kinds of unbelievable phenomenon.

We lose our minds. We transform in totally different beings that don’t even resemble who we are in our day to day lives. The simple act of driving a car transforms us from thoughtful well spoken human beings into angry mindless dangerously erratic psychopaths.

Every good behaviourist looks for some kind of pattern or meaning in human activity, so below I present to the public, a typology of the different kinds of metamorphosis humanity goes through when we become drivers.

When you get into your car - who do you transform into?

1) Angry Road Owner

Every other person out there on the road is just in your way. You’re not sure where all these people are going or why they have decided to get there so slowly, but you are decidedly convinced that they have made it their sole mission to slow you down. When they tap the brakes, it’s to frustrate you (not because they needed to brake). When they change lanes, they are doing so to prevent you from travelling at a “normal” speed, 20 km/hr over the limit. The angry owner of the road easily loses his patience when driving and becomes overly self-centric. You forget that every car out there has just as much right to the road as you do, and in midst of your anger, you’re probably making the road a little less safe for you and everyone else. Try imagining where other people are going and why they are out there on the road with you. Putting yourself in the shoes of that Dad driving the minivan full of kids off to grandma’s house might make it a little easier not to lose your patience with him.

2) The Mindless Wanderer

You change lanes without noticing. You miss turns you’ve made 100 times before. If your location isn’t on GPS voice command, there is very little chance that you will actually arrive at your destination. You’re happy to be out on the roads, you’re just more consumed with the conversation with your passengers or the music playing from the speakers than the responsibility of driving. While driving a car may be second nature, you’ve forgotten that you’re piloting a 5000 lb weapon and responsible for not only the safety or every passenger in your vehicle, but of every others vehicle with which you share the road. You handle pressure well because you never let things get too intense, but at times your laissez-fair nature can get you into trouble. Once a week try a silent drive with no background music. If you’re driving to an unfamiliar location try looking at the directions before you leave. Simple exercises like these might help you become more aware of details and less distracted in your driving habits.

3) Dale Earnhart Jr Jr

You’re the next incarnation of this famous race family and you get wherever you’re going fast. Time spent in the car is time wasted so every red light you beat and every car you pass is a step towards greater efficiency in life.  Making great time makes you high on life! Put your speed theory to the test though. Drive to work tomorrow without speeding and then time yourself. Drive your normal way the day after and see how much time you save. Figure in the amount of time you would “waste” getting pulled over for speeding or getting into a fender bender and then decide if you’re really getting as far “ahead” as you though you thought you were.

4) Safety Dummy

Alright we get it - it’s impossible to put a price on safety, and kudos to you for making sure you abbey the rules. But does putting on two bicycle helmets make you twice as safe as wearing one? Sometimes in an effort to go slow and signal early, you’ve created so much stress in the angry and speedy crowd that you prevented one accident but caused two others. Being cautious is important. Driving 10km/hr below the speed limit and forcefully getting yourself over to the right lane can be just as dangerous as aggressive driving. If you need to, go out to some country roads and gain some confidence at higher speeds and see if you can get comfortable driving with the flow of traffic.

Now children - let’s go out and share the road together well.

Fast kids to the front.

Those who are less fast, off to the back right.

We all finish the race together - and go!