Sometimes nothing feels better than losing all your inhibitions and yelling at the top of your lungs
When the car on the highway cuts you off
When you hit your thumb with the hammer
When your child argues with you for the 17th time that day, just to be stubborn.
Some people are just yelly. It's what we do. We've found that the emotional release we get from opening up the lungs and airing out our grievances just feels amazing.
The problem is that yelling can have huge consequences for our relationships
Brain scans taken when people are exposed to yelling or abusive language shows a negative relationship between brain development and exposure to yelling.
Repeated exposure during childhood to yelling shows a decrease in grey matter during adolescence. aka - their brains don't work they way they could have if we found another way to communicate with them other than yelling.
33% of divorcees said that abusive language was the #1 factor for the separation, while close to 80% say that it is a regular habit if not the main reason. Aka - that breakdown may not have happened if we found better ways to fight.
So why do we yell?
Cause it works.
The kids get scared and stop.
Our spouse shuts down and eventually gives in.
The guy on the highway knows you're mad and might change lanes.
We train ourselves into being happy with short term results, ignoring the consequences of what's really going on in the long run.
It's not that we can't get upset, it's just that we need to find better ways to communicate our frustration.
So honestly it doesn't matter if "that's just who we are." For the sake of our kids, marriages and the stress level of the old guy driving in front of you who didn't really mean to cut you off, he was just being old, let's find a better way.
When the car on the highway cuts you off
When you hit your thumb with the hammer
When your child argues with you for the 17th time that day, just to be stubborn.
Some people are just yelly. It's what we do. We've found that the emotional release we get from opening up the lungs and airing out our grievances just feels amazing.
The problem is that yelling can have huge consequences for our relationships
Brain scans taken when people are exposed to yelling or abusive language shows a negative relationship between brain development and exposure to yelling.
Repeated exposure during childhood to yelling shows a decrease in grey matter during adolescence. aka - their brains don't work they way they could have if we found another way to communicate with them other than yelling.33% of divorcees said that abusive language was the #1 factor for the separation, while close to 80% say that it is a regular habit if not the main reason. Aka - that breakdown may not have happened if we found better ways to fight.
So why do we yell?
Cause it works.
The kids get scared and stop.
Our spouse shuts down and eventually gives in.
The guy on the highway knows you're mad and might change lanes.
We train ourselves into being happy with short term results, ignoring the consequences of what's really going on in the long run.
It's not that we can't get upset, it's just that we need to find better ways to communicate our frustration.
So honestly it doesn't matter if "that's just who we are." For the sake of our kids, marriages and the stress level of the old guy driving in front of you who didn't really mean to cut you off, he was just being old, let's find a better way.
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