On Labour Day our thoughts drift towards all the kids going
back to school and all the dreams we have for their success. Will little Skylar
get straight A’s or just mostly A’s? We all have seen how smart he is. He will more
than likely grow up to be an environmental scientist. Will Kayla be captain of
the team, or just the honorary co-co-co captain? We all know that every kid
deserves a chance to be captain at least for part of the season.
This generation of parents work so hard to ensure their
child’s success, that along the way we have forgotten to allow them to fail. Failure is one of the greatest teachers life offers us, but
it’s the one thing many parents won’t allow for their child. Many of us know
this reality in our heads, but what happens when plays out in our realities?
Parents, how would you react this fall to the following circumstances?
- Your child is placed in a class with a teacher that won’t
cater to how your child would learn best.
- Your kids are playing at the park with a group, and one
child gets made fun of and eventually is left out of the game of “Sandman”.
- Your child is working on a home project and gets
frustrated because the task is too hard. They slam down the instructions and
exclaim, “I can’t do this!”
Most of us have trained ourselves to insert ourselves
into these situations.
None of us should be doing this.
Think of the messages we give our kids when we “rescue” them
from these life atrocities.
In the first scenario, we tell our kids that if they get a
teacher or supervisor that doesn’t modify things to best suit them, we feel it's best to just change the teacher/supervisor. It’s no wonder that the younger working population
has difficulty maintaining jobs if they have grown up believing that it’s the
person in charge who needs to change instead of the person taking instruction. Life
has times when the boss sucks or the supervisor favours someone else. A tough
teacher or boss doesn’t always mean you can’t succeed or you need a change. It
may just mean you need to learn how to work in less than ideal circumstances.
The second scenario is unfair and the kids are mean and sure
there are times that we need to step in and help kids treat others well.
However every time we police these situations we take away chances for our kids
to learn how to deal with rejection. We rob our kids of the chance to realize
for themselves that their actions may have hurt a peer and go an offer
forgiveness and inclusion on their own. Just because they were cruel to this
child at first doesn’t mean that they won’t realize their mistake in a few
moments. If we could learn to let kids endure a few moments of pain (which
won’t ruin them) we could allow for natural moments of reconciliation, which
are 10 times as powerful than a parental-induced “I’m sorry” which means
nothing for either party. The rejected child still feels rejected and the other
kids have not usually understood their error. There will be situations when
others reject us. It hurts. But we live on. Sometimes we are eventually
included, sometimes not. Our kids need these experiences so they can be
prepared as adults to manage themselves well on both sides of the coin.
In the third situation, it’s obviously tough to watch our
kids struggle through projects. As parents, it’s our job to offer guidance and
assistance as they learn and grow. But every problem we solve for them, or
every difficult task we take the lead role on becomes one less chance for them to
learn perseverance and success after failure. 9 times out of 10, the project
probably isn’t too hard, it’s just hard. If we want our kids to grow into
self-sustaining adults, than we better allow them to learn that they can tackle
hard projects that will take more than one try. Maybe even more than two or
three or four tries. Your kids are smart. Let them prove to themselves that
they can rebound and succeed.
So this fall let the kids fall off the monkey bars, and get
back up.
Let them endure a little hardship.
Let them eat a little dirt.
Let the kids fail… they will succeed because of it.
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