We just finished Thanksgiving weekend in Canada, & I
want you to think back how many times you or somebody else gave out unsolicited
advice.
How to fix your relationship.
How to get into a relationship.
How to parent better
How to eat better
How to sleep better.
Advice giving comes from the perspective – “if I were you.”
But that’s the thing. You’re not them.
You aren’t inside their body, feeling what they are feeling.
Experiencing their fears, their high’s and lows.
You’re way may really not be a very valuable solution for
their life.
You think it is, but put the shoe on the other foot. How
many times has someone given you unsolicited advice that made you feel totally
judged, small… maybe even violated. Dishing out your opinion to all your
friends and family is doing that very same thing.
We all like to think we have great ideas how to make other
people’s lives better don’t we?
Here’s the thing tho. People don’t change unless they want
to change. Advice giving is a one of the least effective methods to help facilitate
change. The only time is works is when a person comes asking for your opinion.
However they are more than likely hoping that you will validate what they are
already planning on doing.
More often than not, the best support we can ever be is just
to listen to a person. Help them work through the choices they’ve already made,
or help them come to a conclusion that fits them well.
As parents, siblings, or close friends we all hope and pray
for a time when someone will look at us and think, “I think you’re really smart
when it comes to ______________ . Will you help me figure this out?”
You get to be Ghandi
Until that day comes, sit on your opinion.
Learn to listen first. Ask questions. Show support.
It’s probably the best advice you’ll ever give.
But that’s just my opinion… not that you asked for it.
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